Posts by Shannon Haddock:
Amusing Comments To Myself In First Drafts
If something is going seriously wrong in a rough draft, my process is to type a comment to myself in all caps and then try that bit again. Usually the comment is just “NO” or “NOT QUITE RIGHT” or something equally boring. Or “FUCKING HELL” with varying numbers of exclamation marks. Sometimes though, they get amusing. Here are some of my favorites:
GONNA TRY THIS FROM REN’S POV INSTEAD OF VIK’S, IN THE INTERESTS OF NOT DROWNING IN ANGST.
LET’S TRY THIS PARAGRAPH AGAIN, WITH LESS SUCKING
(After my next attempt at that paragraph) AND NOW LET’S TRY NOT BEING BORING
(I love the rhyming here. I swear it wasn’t deliberate.) FUCKING HELL, SHOW DON’T TELL? DO THESE WORDS RING A FUCKING BELL?
AND THAT SENTENCE NEEDS TAKEN OUT AND SHOT.
COULD THIS SENTENCE GET MORE CONVULUTED, MAYBE? CAN I LEARN TO SPELL CONVOLUTED ON MY FIRST TRY?
I THINK THE PUNCTUATION IN THAT SENTENCE IS PROBABLY CRIMINAL.
WHAT THE HELL AM I EVEN TRYING TO DO HERE?
(Half a line later) OH, I GOT IT NOW!
(Half a paragraph later) NO, I DON’T GOT IT.
(One line later. A line that was just me ranting at myself, for that matter.) OKAY, NOW I’M STARTING THE STORY FOR REAL.
(A sentence and a half later) OKAY, MAYBE I’M NOT. WHY CANNOT I NOT . . . OH, FUCKING HELL! WHY CAN I NOT BRAIN TODAY?
(Two and a half words later) NO, THAT IS A VERY BAD PLACE TO START.
AND THAT PARAGRAPH SAYS “I READ BABYSITTERS’ CLUB BOOKS AT AN IMPRESSIONABLE AGE.” UGH. FIRST DRAFT, LETTING IT STAND. (Jaye, you haven’t seen the one that prompted this or the ones that started with “WHAT THE HELL AM I EVEN TRYING TO DO HERE?” I ended up with, at most, a few useable paragraphs.)
(I just love that I typed this at myself in bolded, italicized capitals.) QUIT BEING DUMB.
FUCK THAT SENTENCE WITH A CHAINSAW.
I Have Learned To Write
(WARNING: AUTHOR IS FEELING EVEN MORE SNARKY THAN USUAL.) So, after years and years of perusing writing blogs and forums, I have finally learned how to write. First, I must keep an inspiration board filled with images that I think might, someday, inspire me to write something or to create a character or whatever. I also […]
Character Interview: Jake
On that list of blogposts — and recommended all over the damned place for all kinds of reasons — is character interviews. So, because I’m enough over this cold from hell to manage snarky quips, but not enough to manage actual fiction or blog writing, I’m going to interview Jake. Please do tell me if […]
Yet More Ranting About Shitty Writing Advice
I’m sorry for doing more on this theme so soon, but I clicked a link I shouldn’t have clicked, and now I’ve got to vent here or I’m going to go off on an author for a blogpost they made years ago, and that’s majorly not cool. (I was expecting it to be snark-worthy, not […]
Unhelpful Story Planning Stuff
I’m so tired of advice on how to plan stories that assumes you’re writing one of three types of stories: a paint-by-numbers Hero’s Journey, an equally formulaic romance, or the sort of deep, literary thing that’s more about the character’s inner journey than whatever the story looks like it’s about. I’ve got nothing against any […]
Words To Use When Writing
That list of blog topics has as a suggested post “List of words to use in your writing.” Seriously. So, here’s the list of words I suggest using: https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/?utm_source=od-panel&utm_campaign=en Yes, I linked to the Oxford Dictionary. Yes, I’m a smart ass . . . but I’m also completely motherfucking serious. There are no words that […]
What I’m Currently Working On
I used to do posts about my WIPs regularly, but they seemed to make my blog spontaneously generate problems, so I quit. I don’t know if this will be a regular feature or not. But I feel like doing it today, so I am. Titles of projects are what the files are named. I am […]
Excerpt from Jake’s Last Mission
(This is not my best cover, but it was the best I could do on the budget I had at the time. I spent a ridiculous amount of time finding the right font to make it look as good as possible, anyway. And the print book does look pretty good, I have to admit.) This one […]
Short Story: The Tale of A Horribly Unloved Kitty
Enjoy. If you want to know why I wrote this, it’s at the end of the story. It was hard to be the youngest pet in the household, Zarillia often thought. Every time something got broken, it seemed like she was the one who got blamed. The people in the house never acted like the […]
Today’s Revising Comments To Myself And/Or The Manuscript
I’m doing these, in case anyone is curious, to make revising a little less tedious and boring. Today I will not be revising No More Lies, however. I will be revising a short story about a horribly unloved cat (Her people won’t let her on the counter and the dog kisses her! Can you imagine such a […]