Today In “Things Said To Myself While Revising”

Jaye is home.  But she’s asleep, so I’m still talking to myself.:

“The ego, Bobby!”

“Whoa, that’s a bad sentence.”

“Ohhhhh!”

“Dumbass.” (And for once this was directed at myself instead of Bobby.)

“Oh, god, that’s . . .”

“Groovy.”

“What the fuck?”

“Ooooh . . . that’s better . . . yeah!”

“Jesus fucking Christ!” (This was after deleting the third unneeded “really” in one paragraph.)

“What the . . .?”

(Also, this song started playing while I was revising and it is so freaking appropriate for Bobby and Karen:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsmUOdmm02A)

“One, two, three, four, five!” (I like counting them as I type the line of asterisks I use for a scene break.  I’m easily amused.)

“There we go.”

“Fuck it.”

“Awwwww!”  (I wrote a good bit of romantic-y-ness!)

“Jesus, what is with all the fucking ‘really’s?”

“Oh, wait.  That one’s okay.”

“So much class.”

(Bonus conversation with the cat:  “Jesus!  Would you quit pulling the earbuds out of my ears?!” Cat then tangled a paw in the earbud cord while meowing loudly at me and digging a few claws into my shoulder.  “Ow.  Fuck.  Ow.  I guess that’s a no then.”)

“Oh.”

“Bloody hell.”

“Good.”

“Owwww!”

“The hell did I just do to that sentence?”

“‘Whatnot’? Really?”  (Yes, it’s a word I use all the time.  It is not a word Bobby would use.)

“Why do I have that whole clause?”

“Much better!”

“Gods, Bobby.”

“Gods, Bobby!”

“You smug motherfucker.”

(Nearly laughed myself sick at this bit:

Fuck.  Fuck.  Fuck.  Why did I have to go and get involved with a smart woman?)

“God, Bobby.”

“Uhmmm . . . what?”

“Why is she rolling her eyes ‘again’ when she hasn’t rolled her eyes in several pages?”

“Fuck it.”

“There we go.”

“What the . . .?”

“What the . . .?”

“Much betterer.”

“Fuck.  There.”

(You know you’re dealing with a really classy character when you change “shagged” to “fucked”.)